Signs, signs, everywhere there's signs

I thought Alaska Airlines had the ridiculous sign market locked down, but apparently a parking garage in Seattle is giving them a run for their money.

I've been in my share of parking garages, and I've never seen anything too dicey going on, apparently shit goes down. Apparently a high level of malarkey and shenanigans led CPS Parking in Seattle to post a sign in an effort to clarify what normal citizens should be on the look out for.

While the top of my priority list for a parking garage would just to make sure my car doesn't get broken in to, CPS has a few other things on their mind. I'm not even sure what to write here, their sign actually says to report things that are "unsettling" or "out of place"... Hopefully no one reports me for changing outside my car before indoor soccer.

Although I mustered a few rambling paragraphs, I really feel at a loss for words to describe this sign.

Fair warning to littering Trolls

Because the economy has never been able to support a live human to communicate common sense, people have learned to use signs. The thing about a sign, is that it needs to be clear, concise, and universal. When someone sees said sign, there should not be any question in their head as to what they should or shouldn't do, it should be clear... crystal clear.

Not quite the case with this bathroom sign I found on an Alaska Airlines flight. I was using the little stinky metal toilet, and as I looked for the flush lever, I saw a sign which at first glance seemed normal, but upon further review raised an eyebrow.

Seems obvious that you can't throw solid objects down the toilet. Seems even more obvious that if indeed you do need to throw solid objects down the toilet, you can't do it on an airplane. But sure enough, human error has unfortunately lead to a sign being needed.

While a plain English sign reading "please do not place anything other than toilet paper in the toilet" would probably suffice, a picture sign is necessary to cover all race, creed, language, and religion, right? Loaded question.

So what did the billion dollar company Alaska Airlines decide for a sign... drum roll please...

How bout a genetic mutant hand, half midget, half troll claw, dropping a full size bottle of shampoo, a comb, a large cup, and a few nondescript pieces of tissue into the toilet. Genius.

FOR ALL THE PEOPLE WHO RUSHED TO THE "LAVATORY" TO DISPOSE OF THAT PESKY SHAMPOO BOTTLE YOU SNUCK PAST SECURITY, OR THE COMB THAT FOR SOME REASON HAS RAN ITS COURSE... WAIT! TROLL HAND SAYS NO! DON'T DO IT! DON'T FLUSH IT! But feel free to put it in the garbage slot 12 inches to your right... Serious everybody? Ughh..

Knuckle Draggin Jay Walker

Nothing beats standing on a street corner minding your own business only to be pleasantly surprised by an amazing human. I was being a good citizen, waiting for the cross walk to turn, when I felt a bustled breeze pass by my mid section. As I looked up, I noticed an small, elderly women, with a clear disregard for the law, whipping past me, with, Manute Bol's arms attached.

I quietly slid my phone out, turned it to vibrate mode, and while pretending to text, snapped a pic. Not 1 second after I successfully snapped this prized human, do I hear "man, if only she was 6 foot 5." I turn to my right to see a guy in a Sounders hat smiling. He knew I took the pic, and he appreciated the rare moment in nature I capitalized on. Not needing to say much, I just muttered "yah" with a smile... which was warmly reciprocated by "she would be the greatest basketball player to ever live."

We both laughed, the light hit green, and we moved on.

Man her arms were long... like down to the knee long.