Go big or go home

Why both trying to act cool? Why bother going through life hoping that others will just notice what a rad human you are?

Words and interactions not loud enough for you??? How bout a permanent mural on your car?!

If conventional means of letting people know you are the mf'n man have not been working for you, I've got just the solution. Scream it. Scream it from the bitching hood of your Subaru XT Coupe!

That's right... the person that owns this car is The Man. Not the mans assistant, or the man in training, this dude runs the show... big time.

Read it and weep, suckers.



And just in case you thought the white tiger mural on the hood was some sort of accident, or temporary lapse in judgment... let's make this official.

Bathroom backfire

With a garbage can not only readily available, but also positioned directly underneath the paper towel dispenser and right next to the sink, it seems overkill to have to put this sign up, but, I can live with it. Better safe than sorry right?

Oh wait, they spelled paper wrong.
Judgment time...
Verdict; guilty.
Punishment; decided.
Paper towels; in toilet.

Matt 1 - World 0



PS - don't worry, I'm not on a bathroom kick, this is strictly a coincidence.

Domo arigayto

I've never traveled to Thailand, but, I don't imagine the average Thai male looks like a tranny with inviting eyes and a slim mustache. The penciled on eyebrows were bothersome, the sexual eyes confusing, the garment loosely gathered around the neck made me pause, and the male lipstick confirmed the camera phone was coming out... no pun intended.

The only thing creepier than seeing this guy on the way in to use my penis, was thinking about the sound he's making in the picture. Probably somewhat of a crescendoing moan, starting with awkward and climaxing at offensive.

Sayonara!

If it aint broke, don't fix it

The Good
- Santa is a Seahawks fan
- Santa wears sweat pants older than Greg Nichols
- Santa's favorite number is 69

The Bad
- Hundreds of little kids sit on #69's lap every Christmas
- This guy may or may not be a serial killer
- Sweat pants could be concealing an ankle bracelet

Somebody didn't get the memo

You think labor day coming and going is going to keep this guy from wearing his favorite suit? Forget about it! White is the color, pimpin's the game.

That's probably his Suburban in the no parking zone too. This guy lives and dies by Outback Steakhouse's motto: no rules, just right.

PS - 2009 ain't over, but I'll go ahead and call it now, this will be my gayest post of the year.

For those about to rock

Unfortunately, I took this pic while this guy was at a 4, but trust, his volume knob went up to 11. This blacked out human is all too familiar at concerts unfortunately. Shouting lyrics over the band, doing the slow, off rhythm head bang, playing the cerebral palsy air guitar. You know the one where the fingers are all turned in on the left hand, trying to master that perfect air note, and the right hand, which is always secondary, is in some crooked point, with the fingers gathered, ready to pick that air axe to shreds.

This guy had all the bullet points for "that guy" at a concert, the previously mentioned, as well as, the mid head bang temporary pass out, the random head tilted woooooooo, the confused look in between songs as he forgot where he was... he even tried to crush a beer can during a song with his foot that shot up a row or two. The cherry on top... it was a Taking Back Sunday acoustic set... oooh... eeeeh... Don't worry about what I was doing there.

And just to clarify, we're talking about guy in the black and purple DC beanie, with the sweet chin strap facial hair.

Cruisin down the street in my six fo

All I wanted when I was 14 was a Chevy Impala with hydraulics. All I wanted at 27, to snap a picture of this ridiculousness.

Gangster Gangster, Read All About It: Apparently people do still have cars with hydraulics.



PS - give me credit for this shot, it was taken through my windshield, across 2 lanes of traffic, at 60 mph. Holler at a player when you see him in the streets.

Who wants to be... a giant vagina?!

I actually flipped this billboard off as I cruised by. Then after a block or two to stew on it, I had to check my aggression... so here we are.



This billboard + impressionable parents = a whole lotta pussy's

Please kids, remember, bring your sack to the game, regardless of what mommy or daddy tells you.

When in doubt, the hungry butts come out

If wearing tapered sweats to the grocery store is not a big enough statement to the world that you've given up, a nice wedgie outta really cement it. So hungry... must eat sweats...

That will do donkey... that will do

Desperate for blog content, I went a little crazy last night. Heading home from work I passed a field with a few horses, some cows, and 1 small donkey. I've seen this donkey many times on my drive home, but last night, I finally had to do it. I flipped a B at about 40 miles an hour, and pulled up on the gravel outside the pasture, sliding to a stop. Got out my car, and started yelling at the donkey in my best Eddie Murphy Shrek voice. The donkey was completely unimpressed... The horses looked up for a second, but nothing was about to break donkeys mouth from the delicious grass. After a few strange looks from passing cars, and for fear of getting shot by a farmer for harassing his donkey, I got in my car, depressed, and defeated.

I wont give up though... I can't give up. But let me say, gathering blog content aint no walk in the park.