Winner winner, Chicken dinner

Tonight, I spiced up dinner with the in-laws. Tonight, I made a statement without talking. Tonight... I let loose 2 seconds worth of audible flatulence that was loud enough for the wife to hear, yet subtle enough to be dismissed as a creaking deck by the rest of the dinner party.

For a mear moment, I had the stealth ability of James Bond, the comedic subtelty of Harland Williams, and the (butt) trumpet abilities of Dizzy Gillespie.

I giggled a bit, as I applauded myself for the push, and thanked the cushion for its muffling ability.

Moral of the story... farts are funny. Today, tomorrow, and in the year 3008.

Community Content

I toyed with the idea of posting quality content provided by someone's camera phone other than my own... that is until my friend Wallace Wimple sent me this little dandy. I'm sold.

I won't bother trying to create a hypothetical story for this hefty hominid, I think I'll just stick to the provided facts. This man, among many things, is a rabid consumer of poultry, enjoys the support a size to small Hanes cotton shirt provides, has an unshapely dirt squirrel occupying his upper lip, is a firm believer in the 2 for 1 ability of his photochromatic glasses, is a stranger to the barber shop, quick to anger, and apparently enjoys his meat cooked well, not medium well, or medium rare; well.

If you yearn for more on this creature, try for a minute to imagine the sound he is making in this picture, or is about to make. Maybe it's english, maybe it's just a raspy grunt. It could be a saliva filled throat projected "huh". Is he about to ask a question, is he about to chip in his 2 cents, possibly offer up a snide remark? Much like how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop, the world may never know.

Papa Jestranking walks among us

Think about what a weak Jesus might have looked like. Think about how Seattle’s oldest cross dresser may possibly present himself. Maybe try and imagine for a minute that Vikings had litters of puppy's instead of babies, then picture the runt of the litter? How bout a perverted version of Papa Smurf…

Standing all of 5’5”, dawning the sandals and walking stick of Christ, a lady of the nights dress, a Viking’s jacket and flowing locks, the beard of Papa Smurf, and walking with no particular purpose, WAS, the man that IS the purpose of this post. Put that all together in your mind… scroll down.

Are we on the same page?

Uh oh... somebody's fab-u-lous

Still Sean. Still straight.

Ciao!

I believe in miracles...

Where ya from? You sexy thang!

I'm a lot like you... a little different

In a tip of the cap to Pemco, I found a few of my own "Northwest Profiles".

First, we’ve got Northwest Profile #47 “Walking Wizard”

This wizard walks among us. Dawning a top hat, extra long pony tail, and Teva's... with a pleather fanny pack surely filled with a wizards ration of powered bison horn, knotgrass, and possibly some shredded boomslang skin, even the slightest wave of his wand shall surely create, fear, wonder, and laughter simultaneously... Abracadabra!

Next up, Northwest Profile #88 “Shirtless 65 degree bike rider”

With each push of each pedal, his man breasts shake, as his back hair dances in the breeze. He drafts behind cars, utilizes the sidewalks as well as available bike lanes, taking time for hand signals at every turn, with, or against the traffic, he navigates his concrete jungle with the precision of Lance Armstrong and Tarzan's love child.

Rubber Buggy Baby Bumpers

Walmart is f'ing visual birth control. High School field trips on a busy Sunday, that might curb the teenage pregnancy rate.

Trust me, this one's better off without the accompanying picture.

Periwinkle Blue

It's not to often that you walk into a bathroom only to be startled by a gypsy, who also looks like he would make the perfect human portion of a centaur, and are not only able to chat with the guy, but also grab a couple pictures.

Turns out, he looks like a gypsy because he is in a band called jypsi. The centaur part is my wild imagination, and is about as explainable as the guys purple jeans and rainbow colored Vans.

This dude, and his band mates, were most righteous.

Panic! At the bathroom

A scene of utter chaos. I imagine the pressure was intense, both figuratively and literally. Realizing both TP rolls were empty, the helpless victim turns to toilet seat covers. After suffering through that, they flush only to realize they've clogged the toilet. A classic. And also one of everyone's mild nightmares.

Mo money, Mo problems

So Eli Manning is now the highest paid player in the NFL. Seriously. I hate to blog about sports stuff, but, this is humorous. Eli Manning won the Super Bowl like Trent Dilfer won the Super Bowl, except you know where Trent wound up, backing up Matt Hasselbeck and then retiring. You know where Eli wound up? Went 10-1 with Plaxico, lost him and went 2-3 to finish up the season and then got knocked in the first round of the playoffs just like 2 of the past 3 years. This year, no Plax, same ol' Eli. My prediction? Giants miss the playoffs by a few games and this goes down as one of the worst moves for the league in recent history. Laughable.

Good night sweet prince

Seattle is a big city. 142.5 square miles to be exact. When choosing a place to sleep, I have got to imagine that there is a more suitable place than on the sidewalk on 1st ave in between Pike and Union. And, any wagers on whats in the guys fanny pack?